Forgiveness is easier said than done. That’s the truth of the matter. As human beings, the deepest feelings we posses are love and of course hate. Hate may turn to love sometimes. Mistakes don’t just happen, we make them. The only way out is through atonement. In this case, forgiveness.
I’ve seen most relationships from the time they start to their very end. This, by the way, is very sad. I’ve also happened to know the reason behind the separation of two people, who previously claimed to love each other but are on the verge of outrage in the end. It’s disheartening. I came to a conclusion that maybe what we do or how we handle relationships during bad times is not accurate. And yes, that is actually true.
However, I am not talking about toxic relationships where the two people hurt each repeatedly, or one of them keeps hurting the other one more often. I’m also not talking about exclusive relationships. No. I’m talking about those relationships where two people really desire to be with each other for a long period of time. Oh what joy it is!
It is very clear that every relationship has its ups and downs. Everyone loves the good times. I mean, who doesn’t want to be happy? But it is good to know that bad times also exist, and that they may dig deeper than we than can fathom. I have to say what everyone knows. “Every problem has a solution, ” and so, every downfall in a relationship is accompanied by a ladder. The only challenge is, the ladder is in pieces that need to be put together. Who’s ready to put the pieces of the ladder together?
Here’s my proposal. Forgiveness is a simple word which holds so much weight.
If only we could learn to forgive. If only we could learn to hear our partner’s side of the story. If only we could shed a few tears, stand up and decide that we’re not giving up on the one we love. If only we could forgive.
Imagine your boyfriend, husband or fiancee cheats on you. What is the probability of your relationship surviving after you find this out? I can bet on 1/10. We forget the good times and all the love we felt and focus all our energy on that one mistake; the cheating. We stretch out of love and rage gallops in. We decide that the mistake is unforgivable. We conclude for ourselves that if they really did love us they wouldn’t have cheated. But is it really like that? Is it that simple?
This is disheartening. We don’t take the time to digest the mistake. We don’t take time to release our fear and think it through. We don’t listen to apologies and even if we do, we don’t take them into much thought.
Maybe life isn’t as simple as we choose to believe it is. Maybe we end up having to jump from one relationship to the other because we only focus on the good times. Because we only think that the downs in a relationship simply mean financial struggles, family rejection, long distance, the ex who is still stalking you or even the lack of communication between you two.
We forget that the mistakes we make are also part of the bad times because they pull us down too. We forget that we’re not perfect and that however much the other person has hurt us, they deserve a second chance too. That is, only if they really are asking for it. We cry and end the relationship because, what do they say? Oh yeah, there is another person out there meant for you. Or that the two of you were not meant to be. But what if life wasn’t really about plans and who is supposed to be with you or having to wait for the right person? What if we already found the right person but we’re giving it all up for the mistakes they made?
Maybe we should sit down and focus on the part that says he’s the one. Maybe we can work it out. Maybe there’s is no other right person for you. Maybe we need to sit down and work on the relationship and try to rebuild it. Put all your efforts in the repair, pin down all the mistakes, all the bad times and cherish the good times you had and those that are to come. I’m just trying to say, we should work out our differences however big they seem. Relationships aren’t just a kiss in the rain or a walk in the park. They are also about how ready you are to have each other’s backs. How ready you are to walk on fire with your feet while holding hands. Maybe we shouldn’t go on believing that there is a better person out there for us. We should work on the present. How else are we going to learn? How else are we going to know what is right or how to handle pain?
The more we end things up whenever we are faced with a problem, the more we don’t learn. And the more we end up in uncountable relationships searching for the “right person,” the more we end up hurt countless times, trying to find what we’d already found. We just couldn’t see it, so we gave it up. We continue our search in the name of ” I loved him so much but I have to move on.” If you really did love him, then stay and make it work.
So unless your partner is a fugitive or is simply mean, try to work it out with them. Erase the “if it’s meant to be” part and replace it with “we will make it work, together.” We all make mistakes. In the end, we live together not because we forget. We live together because we FORGIVE…
by Yvonne Njoki